Your relationship

Types of relationships

There are many ways to have a relationship. Most relationships are between 2 people:  

• This is called a monogamous relationship if you only have sex with each other. In a monogamous relationship you can also have sex with others, together with your partner. For example a threesome, or sex with another couple
• In an open relationship you make agreements about sex with other people. Read more about open relationships

A polyamorous relationship is one based on love between more than two people. There are many different ways to do this. A polyamorous relationship doesn’t mean that everyone involved has sex with everyone else. 

Some people also have sex with friends or sex buddies (or fuck buddies). If you start getting more feelings for each other, it could become a relationship.

When can you ditch the condom?

Are you only having sex with each other? Get tested for HIV and STDs!

• Do this as soon as you haven't had sex with other people for at least 3 months. Until then, use condoms together
• After that, you can leave the condom off if you both don't have STIs

Do you also have sex with other people? Use condoms and/or PrEP if you have sex with other people and both get tested for HIV and STDs 2 times a year.

Sex in your relationship

Did you just get into a relationship? Then it’s very likely the sex will only get better and better. Over time, you get to know each other’s body. You learn what your partner loves the most. 

After a while, the sex can settle down. Maybe you do it less often, or it feels less special. This happens to lots of couples. Usually it’s not a problem. It can be difficult if one of you wants more sex, and the other doesn’t. Some people open up their relationship, to allow each other to have sex with others. Read more about why it’s important to make agreements about your open relationship

Three tips for good sex in your relationship

1. Make time for each other and for sex. Having sex spontaneously is good for your relationship. Is it not happening, over and over? Then agree together on a moment that works for both of you
2. Keep sharing the sexual experience. Not everyone likes the same things in sex. Focus on what you like doing together. Do you like to watch porn on your own? Then try watching it together
3. Stay curious. Talk to each other about what you would like to do or learn when it comes to sex. Try out new positions or toys together

Is the sex not going great?

When you’re dealing with stress or fatigue you might be less interested in sex. Are you unable to get hard, or to relax your anus? Or did you have a poor sexual experience? This happens to many people at some point. You can always try again later. Does this happen often? Find out what you can do if you’re having sex issues. Read what you can do yourself if you have a problem with sex.

It can also be caused by a problem in your relationship. Talk about it with your partner.

This is how you can keep your relationship great

Every relationship is different. And not every relationship needs to last long. These tips can help you stay together. And keep it fun:

• Keep doing fun things together
• Give each other space. You don’t need to do everything together all the time. Allow each other to have your own hobbies.
• Try not to change each other. This usually doesn’t work. You or your partner might not feel good enough anymore
• Give each other attention and support. Compliments work great. Lots of relationships become stronger after a hard time in which the partners support each other

Sometimes a relationship doesn’t work out for practical matters or small things. For example, if you need to work at different times. You might not feel like seeing your partner when he’s available. 

Do you live together? Then your partner might do things you find annoying. They can be very small things. Talk about it with each other. Often, the solution is also found in small things. But first, look at what you can change yourself.

Talking to each other

Talking to each other is important for your relationship. Especially when it’s not going well. But you should also keep talking when it’s going well. This will make it easier to talk about problems when they pop up.

What’s the best you can do? 

• Don’t delay a conversation. It’s better to have it as soon as possible. If you keep a problem to yourself for a long time, opening up about it could become harder and harder. And the problem could get worse, too
• Don’t start by scolding each other. Start from what happened. Is something bothering you? Tell your partner what you think happened. Then, say what feeling it gave you. And what you would prefer. Or what you need from your partner
• Get to know yourself and your partner better. A relationship can help you understand yourself and your partner better. How you deal with things now is usually connected to events from your past. For example, an earlier relationship, or things from your childhood. Maybe you don’t even realize it. If you want to be together, you need to learn to properly interact