Michiel (27) has a partner with HIV

"On our third date he told me he had HIV."

“I met my boyfriend on Tinder. He used a different, more formal, language language than other guys when we were chatting, which stood out and made me curious. So we met for coffee. On our second date, we went out for dinner and I took him home. I wanted to have sex, but he didn’t really seem into it. It surprised me because he had told me online he was sexually attracted to me. When we ended up in bed on our third date, he let the cat out of the bag. He told me that has HIV and asked if that was a problem. We talked about it all night and so I also found out that he was religiously taking his meds and is an undetectable.

The Swiss Statement

I am always very strict about using a condom: as soon as fucking is involved, a condom gets put on. I always got tested at the STI clinic every six months, and had read up on it. I knew that when someone has HIV but takes his medicine correctly, there is little to no risk of transmission. I had also read about the Swiss Statement [where in a monogamous relationship where one partner has HIV and is undetectable, and the other doesn’t have HIV, they can have sex without a condom - ed. note]. So if I met someone with HIV it wouldn’t be any problem whatsoever.

Monogamous

My boyfriend and I decided to always have sex with a condom anyways. I am more comfortable with the idea, and he is quite decided as well. Plus, two years ago, he switched medications and his viral load was temporarily elevated. I couldn’t really find any information on whether that meant he was still undetectable. But we both don’t mind using a condom at all.

In the Netherlands we have a closed relationship, on vacation sometimes we have a few flings. I still get tested about every six months and my boyfriend is monitored closely because he has HIV. If we were to open up our relationship in the future, I would consider taking PrEP as extra protection. We said that if I were to start PrEP, we could maybe do it without a condom, but given the current situation we aren’t willing to.”

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