Problems with sex

Pain during sex

If sex hurts, you can’t enjoy it. Sometimes, anal sex could be painful. To enjoy bottoming, it’s important to relax properly. That’s difficult if you are dealing with hemorrhoids or small tears. Read more about anal pain: the origins and what you can do about it

Trouble reaching orgasm

Orgasms don’t happen every time, even if you really want them. To enjoy a nice orgasm you need to be in the mood for sex, to be aroused and to be stimulated the right way. Make sure you feel fit and relaxed. Alcohol and drugs can make it hard(er) to reach orgasm. Are you taking medication? Read the leaflet to see if it causes issues with orgasm. 

Generally speaking, there are four types of problems: 

• Cumming too quickly: Cumming in a short time is usually caused by too much sexual arousal. Cumming quickly or early is only a problem if you or your sexual partner think it’s too early. There are some tips you can try to delay your orgasm. 
• Cumming too late or not cumming: No interest in sex, depression, pain or physical issues can get in the way of orgasms.
• No pleasure: Cum comes out, but without the nice feeling. Sometimes this happens because you don’t feel comfortable with yourself. Some physical conditions, like diabetes or spinal cord injuries, can also cause orgasms without pleasure. 
• No sperm: A ‘dry’ orgasm is one in which no sperm comes out. This can have a medical reason: it could be caused by medication or prostate problems. Ask your GP for advice if the problem stays for a long time.
• Blood in your sperm: Is the colour of your sperm light pink or red? Then there’s probably some blood in it. In most cases it’s nothing to worry about, and the blood will stop mixing with the sperm on its own. Sometimes it’s caused by an STD. Are you over 40 and is the problem staying? Then you should discuss it with your GP. Blood in your sperm can also be caused by prostate issues.

Tips to delay your orgasm

To stop yourself form cumming, there are different ways to delay your orgasm. 

• Cumming beforehand: You can jerk off a couple of hours before meeting someone. After doing that, most men will need more time to cum
• Practice during jerking off. When you feel that you’re about to cum, stop masturbating for a moment. Then continue. When you’re about to cum, stop again. Keep doing this until you cum when you want to
• Focus on other body parts
• Relaxing your muscles: keep your leg muscles and glutes relaxed
• Squeezing under your glans: Right before cumming, put your hand around your penis and push your thumb for 4 seconds against the frenulum on the lower side of your penis, right under the glans
• Special condoms and lube: Use thicker condoms or lube containing substances that slightly numb your penis temporarily

No interest in sex

Some people don’t find sex very important, and even if you like it, at times you might be less interested. Having sex is not a must. If you’re single, less interest in sex is not an immediate problem. It can be more complicated in stable relationships. That’s why, if you or your partner want sex and the other doesn’t, you should talk about it with each other.

No interest in sex is usually a temporary issue, for example caused by:

• Stress and fatigue: Stress or tension can lower the interest in sex. Are you not sleeping well? Or is your body very tired? If so, you won’t have any energy for sex.
• Insecurity or shame: Negative thoughts can lower your interest in sex. For example, you could worry that something will go wrong during the sex, or that you will disappoint your partner. Or you could feel insecure about your body or ashamed of your sexual interests.
• Depression and sadness: If you don’t feel comfortable in your own skin, it’s more difficult to get in the mood for sex. For example, if you just went through a shocking event. Or because you feel sad. For some people, sex is actually a distraction. But sometimes, it just leads to more shame or sadness.

Becoming more interested in sex

To become more interested in sex, you need to find the source of the problem. A couple of tips:

• Make sure you’re sleeping, resting and exercizing enough. 
• Become aware of thoughts that might be holding you back. Understand where your anxiety or insecurity comes from 
• Talk to your (sexual) partner about what’s troubling you. Or tell him what you would like to change. Make more time for each other to do fun things together

Too interested in sex?

Enjoying (lots of) sex is not a problem. Sex is a way of not thinking about other things. It can be very good for a minute. But sometimes, people lose control of how often they want sex. 

Too much interest in sex can interfere with your daily life. If you’re addicted to sex, it’s hard to do your best at work or in your education. Or to see your friends. You can feel bad or guilty about it. 

A sex addiction can be caused by not feeling at ease in your own body. An addiction to sex is sometimes combined with an addiction to drugs. In these cases, you might take drugs to have more sex, or to have sex for a longer time. Or you could look for sex in order to take more drugs. That can be bad for your health.  

Talk to your doctor if you think you’re addicted to sex. The solution is to get a grip on sex and your daily life. That feels good and makes you feel calm again.