Tips for an open relationship

Why choose an open relationship?

In an open relationship, you allow each other to have sex with other people. This can be better for your sex life. But also for your relationship. Because you give and get the space to have the sex you want. 

Still, an open relationship doesn’t work for everyone. It’s important that you both stand by the choice to have an open relationship. Make it clear that you’re absolutely there for each other.

Which agreements should you make in an open relationship?

Each relationship is different. Talk to each other about how you want to do things from now on. When it comes to sex with others, you can agree on the following: 

• How often and when
• If you can see the same person more than once
• What type of sex
• Where you can have sex: at home or not
• What you tell each other about it

Maybe it won’t always be easy to respect every rule. So agree to also tell each other if you broke a rule.

Talk often about the rules you create. Are they still working? Can you respect them? What you want or like might change. Maybe at some point you would like to close the relationship again for a while.

Protect each other’s health

Make sure to protect yourself and each other against HIV and STDs: 

• Use condoms when you have sex with others
• Use PrEP to protect yourself against HIV
• Both get tested 2 times a year, at the same time, for HIV and STDs

Did you have unprotected sex?

• Tell your partner immediately
• Use condoms until you know for sure that you don’t have HIV or other STDs 
• Read more about how you can recognize if you have an STD or early-stage HIV

Do you have an STD or HIV?

Tell each other about the result as soon as possible. Make sure your partner also gets the medication he needs. After getting your STD medication, you can’t have sex with each other for 7 days. Otherwise you will infect each other again and the treatment won’t work.

Did you get HIV, or does your partner have HIV? Read more about how you can deal with HIV in your relationship

Tips to talk to each other

Talking about your relationship can be complicated. Ask yourself and your partner what you feel and need. Don’t try to figure out what your partner thinks, just ask him about it. 

This can happen:

• Did you not completely respect the rules? Be honest and tell your partner soon. Otherwise it could become a problem
• Are you falling in love with someone else? Talk about it with each other. It doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship 

Would you rather not talk about it (yet)? Or are you not sure of what you want, or feel like? It’s okay to have doubts about something. It’s better to say that to each other.