Wouter (36) discovers his ‘bottom side’

'I fantasized about being a bottom, but I had never tried.'

Wouter (36) used to be mainly a top, but since using PrEP, he dares to experiment more. 

 “Before I started PrEP, my sex life was pretty straightforward: I mainly had oral sex and was a top a few times. I had tried being bottom a few times but I just couldn’t relax and it all felt really unnatural.

As a top, I was pretty strict about using condoms. My generation was bombarded with HIV awareness campaigns in our teens. If you got HIV and then AIDS, you would die. In my head that turned into: if you have sex without a condom, you will die. So I almost never did it without one, except for the occasional accident.

PrEP seemed to me a good way to provide extra protection from getting HIV. It also allowed me to dare to experiment more. Even though I fantasized about being a bottom, I never really tried it because it was always awkward with a condom. I decided to try without a condom, knowing that PrEP would adequately protect me from getting HIV.”

From top to versa

“I arranged to meet a guy on Grindr who I’d been chatting with for a while, but who I had been avoiding because his profile said that he was a 100% top. He came by and brought his own lubricant, which was silicon-based. I had never heard of it.

He was very patient and he really tried his best to make me feel comfortable. It took some effort, but in the end we did it and it was actually pretty arousing. This discovery opened up a whole new world for me. I now dared to call myself ‘versatile’. Those ‘100% top’ guys, who I used to avoid, were now also part of my target group.”

Editor’s note

Men to Men regularly interviews men about how they protect themselves against HIV and STIs as well as their experiences with sex. We believe it is important for people to be well-informed and are able to make informed decisions on how to protect themselves. We hope that the variety of personal stories of people’s experiences help them with this. They do not necessarily reflect Men to Men’s standpoint. This story was published on Winq.nl.

We used a stock photo for this story as Wouter wished to remain anonymous.

Text: Martijn Tulp
Stock photo: 123rf.com

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