Rutger (31) got gonorrhea multiple times

When Rutger was twenty, an employee from the Municipal Health Service visited his gay student association. “That was the first time someone really explained to me what STIs are,” he says. “Before that, I thought I knew everything, but I was sorely mistaken.” During that information session, he not only learned about condom use and testing, but also about vaccinations. “The employee said it was wise to get vaccinated against hepatitis A and B. I made an appointment right away. That was years ago, but I'm still glad I did.”

An open relationship with clear agreements

Rutger has been in a relationship with his boyfriend for almost ten years now. “I've known he has HIV since the beginning,” he says. “In the beginning, we were monogamous, but after a while, our relationship became more and more open.” The two have a LAT relationship: they live apart but spend weekends together, and they agree that they can have sex outside the relationship. “When we're together, we don't date other people. But separately, we do. Sometimes we make an exception, for example at a party or in the sauna. Then we're together, but something can also happen with others. As long as it's open and honest.”

'I know that sex without a condom isn't always wise, but it happens anyway'

They have made clear agreements about safe sex. “In principle, the agreement is: if you have sex with someone else, use a condom. But I have to admit that in practice, that doesn't always work,” Rutger admits honestly. “Lately, I've been having sex without a condom more and more often. I know it's not always wise, but it happens anyway.”

The first time with gonorrhea

Rutger remembers well when he got his first STI. “I don't remember exactly when, but it was gonorrhea,” says Rutger. “That was actually the moment I decided to start using PrEP. After that, I thought: oh well, I'll just let go of those condoms a little.” Rutger has now had gonorrhea about five times. “The last time, I think I got it at a party. There was a darkroom, and I was getting a blow job. No anal sex, but apparently you can still get it that way. That was a real eye-opener: you don't have to fuck to get gonorrhea.”

A few days later, he started having symptoms. "It started with a burning sensation when I peed, which is usually the first sign. And when I looked down a little later, there was a white drop hanging from my glans. That's why they call it the clap, of course. You can wipe that drop away, but half an hour later it's back. At some point, it started to really hurt. Once, it bothered me so much that I could hardly sleep.“

'It's important to inform your sexual partners, although that's difficult if you met someone in a darkroom'

Fortunately, gonorrhea is easy to treat. “An injection in your buttock and no sex for a week – then you're done,” says Rutger. “That week is important, not only to prevent you from infecting others, but also because your body needs time to recover. And I think it's important to inform my sexual partners so that they can also get tested. Although that can be difficult, especially if it's someone you don't know from a darkroom.”

Testing, treating, informing

When Rutger developed symptoms, he called the GGD. “They were very friendly, but I couldn't get an appointment until after the weekend. So you're stuck with symptoms for a few days. Fortunately, my GP is a bit quicker: if I say I suspect I have gonorrhea, I can come in for a test. I also get an injection right away if he thinks it's gonorrhea. The downside is that it counts toward your deductible.”

For people who want quick answers, he has another tip: “There are commercial testing locations such as Ziz in The Hague or Utrecht. Depending on what you need to be tested for, you pay a few tens of euros to around 100 euros, but you can get the results within half an hour and immediate treatment if necessary. That's handy if you don't want to wait.”

Prevention and communication

“I also continue to get tested regularly, because the sooner you catch it, the better.” He talks openly with his partner about STIs. “There's no shame. If I think I have something, I say so right away. Then we just don't have sex until I've been tested and possibly treated. I think that's only logical. If you don't say anything and he gets it too, then you're in even more trouble.”