Guido (21) on Tinderdates and hepatitis B

'When I came out of the closet I thought: now life is going to begin.'

Guido (21) is sometimes still struggling with his homosexuality. However vaccination against hepatitis B, which is recommended for men who have sex with men, is easy and free. Schedule your vaccination here

Self denial

"I’ve lived in Amsterdam since 2015 and study Art History and Philosophy. When I came out of the closet I thought to myself: now life is going to begin. You’re already a bit behind. Instead of starting your sexual development at age 12 or 13, it starts 5 or 6 years later. I denied myself and my sexuality, I opressed myself.

What am I doing?

When I just came out of the closet, I went onto Tinder in blind euphoria, and actually went on a date within the first week. I was absolutely terrified. You have that with dating, it’s still terrifying. I kissed him and thought to myself: what am I doing? I just couldn’t enjoy it. My approach was very clinical. It took a long time before I really give into it and I could enjoy it. I still feel that I can’t just be comfortable with someone right away. When I have to go meet someone, I die a thousand deaths before I can bring myself to say hello.

Hepatitis B

I’ve always read a lot about homosexuality. There are a lot of books about homosexuality in the past, which have always been hidden away and have never been revealed. Intentionally or otherwise. This suggests that the gay movement came into existence at a certain time, but of course it’s been here for decades.

I know a lot about homosexuality, but actually I don’t know if I’ve been vaccinated against hepatitis B. It’s very stupid… The vaccination is free, so why shouldn’t I? I’m a bit lax about it, bit daft actually…"

Editor's note

Men to Men regularly interviews men about how they protect themselves against HIV and STIs as well as their experiences with sex. We believe it is important for people to be well-informed and are able to make informed decisions on how to protect themselves. We hope that the variety of personal stories of people’s experiences help them with this. They do not necessarily reflect Men to Men’s standpoint.

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