Jens (23) on why he bailed out on a date

'He snorted a line of coke right before sex.'

Drugs? Jens wants nothing to do with them. When he saw a date was going to use coke right before sex, he bailed out. “I had no idea what kind of effect that stuff would have on him.”

“When I was about 20, I came out of the closet and started discovering my sexuality. One evening I met this guy on Grindr from my area. He asked if I wanted to come by for sex. I thought that would be nice. Right before was leaving, he wrote that he had drunk a whole bottle of wine. I thought that was strange, why would you drink a whole bottle of wine right before a date?

When I got there, first we chatted a bit about his house; he lived on a houseboat. We really started warming up to each other. We took a shower together and ended up on his bed. Right before we started to have sex, he suddenly said he wanted to take drugs. I thought that was just as strange as the bottle of wine. I told him I didn’t feel like it, but he got what he needed anyways and snorted a line of coke.

I decided to leave then and there. I hadn’t had sex very often and I had no clue what effect that stuff would have on him, and especially on the kind of sex we would have. I was afraid that he would suddenly get too rough or force me to have unsafe sex with him.

Unprotected sex

Despite that unpleasant experience, I kept on meeting strange men on Grindr. I still keep away from drugs, even though I do regularly use poppers during sex. They are milder. When people use Coke and XTC, you never know if they will stay themselves, but you do with poppers. Plus, poppers wear out in about half a minute.

I have had unsafe sex, however, and that started to worry me more and more. I remember a particular date who I fucked without protection. I wanted to use a condom, but we just forgot it in the flow. He knew nothing about me and I nothing of him. When I got home, I really regretted letting him come in me. I also had no idea what the consequences could be. It wasn’t until I started searching online that I found out that I could have gotten HIV and would have to take pills my whole life.

PEP

Even though this guy told me he was HIVE-negative, I decided to go to the GGD (public health service) the next day. They gave me a PEP treatment: 4 weeks of HIV medication to reduce the risk of infection. I think the GGD doctor prescribed it for me because I came across as very anxious. And I really was very nervous when I went to pick up the PEP course at the pharmacy. I was afraid they would judge me, which was totally unnecessary when I look back, as they treated me just like any other client. Luckily, I didn’t have many problems with side effects, but it did get me thinking.

A few months later, I had unprotected sex again, this time because the condom broke during sex. I think it was because my sex partner got really rough with me plus the fact that we didn’t use enough lubricant. Right after that, I asked the GGD if I would be eligible for PrEP, an HIV prophylaxis. Now I’ve been taking PrEP since February and I’m not as nervous if I have unprotected sex after a night out, or if the condom breaks. I always try to make sure I use a condom, as PrEP doesn’t protect against other STIs. My sex life hasn’t changed much but I’m not nearly as anxious about getting HIV.”

Editor’s note

Men to Men regularly interviews men about how they protect themselves against HIV and STIs as well as their experiences with sex. We believe it is important for people to be well-informed and are able to make informed decisions on how to protect themselves. We hope that the variety of personal stories of people’s experiences help them with this. They do not necessarily reflect Men to Men’s standpoint. This story was published on Winq.nl.

We used a stock photo for this story as Jens wished to remain anonymous.

Text: Martijn Tulp
Stock photo: 123rf.com

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