In any event...
Asking and giving consent (permission) is part of the deal, and it's not difficult either! So always check with yourself and the person you are having sex with to see if there is consent. No matter how far along you are: in your experience, in your relationship and with sex!
Consent means that you have given each other permission to have sex. From 1 July, the law in the Netherlands has changed. Sex without consent is now punishable.
These are the characteristics of sex with consent:
- Consent is given voluntarily. So not under threat of, for example, violence or under pressure, manipulation or under the influence of drugs or alcohol;
- You can always stop. Sometimes you notice during sex that you don't want to, or that you don't want to do what you agreed earlier;
- You both know what is going to happen, so you understand what you are saying 'yes' to;
- Consent is given enthusiastically. You only do things because you want to do them, not because it is expected of you;
- It is clear exactly what consent is being asked and given for.
That's the theory, in practice things can sometimes go slightly differently. But the basics remain simple: don't do anything you don't want to do yourself and check with your sex partner(s) if they are willing to do what you want.
How do you check consent? Ask! And also pay attention to the other person's body language.
Sound complicated? Don't worry! You're probably already doing it right most of the time. But to be sure, we have listed for you what to look out for and what to say.
Read how to ask and give consent
What if someone crossed your boundaries?
Maybe this campaign reminds you of a time when someone crossed your boundaries. If you have experienced sexual violence, or you are not sure, you can talk about it.
You can contact MenAsWell for specialist support, even if the sexual violence occurred a long time ago. MenAsWell also offers community workshops and trainings for professionals.
Asking for or giving consent can look different in any situation and for any person. In the videos below, several guys share their experiences.